Sibling seniority

I can’t believe that I am sharing this story. Guess! Since it is practiced in my home, why not. I can’t say much about every country in African, but I am sure to talk about my country. In Nigeria, seniority as a whole is a big deal. Growing up as a child I was told that I have to respect anyone who is older than me. More so in my family. My elder brother relished the idea that I have to respect him. By that, I had to call him a seniority name instead of the name giving to him by my parent.

It was awkward at first. I say this because I didn’t understand why my parent had to wait till I am old enough to enforce such rules. I couldn’t bare calling him a seniority name instead of his actual name. I know you all want to know what the seniority name is, sorry I am zipping my lips on this one. Moving on, I hated seeing his face whenever I call him that name. It kind of made him the real alpha man. He took every advantage that came with it and run. “Run Johnny run” and he did. Meanwhile, I was pleasantly surprised when I came to America and realized that people call their elders by their own name. Shocking I thought. Some Americans even call people out of their own name. That was 

supposed to make me feel good but I was like culture difference is sure something.

However, there is a saying that goes, one good turn deserves another. In my case, I had my younger siblings call me a seniority name. Boy! Did I hate that name. Something that was supposed to make me happy turns out sad. I felt bad each time my younger siblings call me that name. The reason I hated that name is because…… One, I felt like I am on a different level than them. Secondly, I felt some resentment from them. The seniority name some worth put a strain in our relationship. Things they normally tell me, they don’t tell me anymore. I was thinking that their reason for keeping things away from me was because as their senior, I was going to scrutinized everything they tell me. That hurt my feelings. Even after I left for America, I still feel that large gap between us. I long for their closeness but it not happening. I wish I could tell them. Well! They will know now from reading this post.

Ironically, some people in their family enjoy such sibling seniority. Even weird, that sibling seniority strengthens their relationship and as well put a boundary to any disrespect. Good for them, however, in my family, it only worked for my brother who still to date love it. But me, I never liked the idea, I believe my siblings respect me regather less. The mere fact that I am their sister and I treat them with respect automatically earn me my seniority respect. I didn’t need the name to earn that. Hey! You got to go with the flow in African family right? Besides, who are mine to tell my mother back then that I didn’t like her seniority rules? Okey you get the gist…. Lol!

If you are an African, do you practice sibling seniority with name, if yes, tell us. If no, tell us what kind of sibling seniority you practice.

Thanks.

I am humble.

Photo credit: Max Pixel

The strength of African mothers

 

African mothers are selfless being. They will give up everything for their children. They starve so their kids will eat. They do it all. I am trying to flash back my memory to when I was a teenage girl back home. As a city girl, traveling to the village is always a blessing to me. I get to set my eyes on the rich culture of my village. While making those trips, I always see African mothers carrying their kids on their back while cultivating farm. It was such a powerful moment for me to witness that side of them. I didn’t really need a camera to capture those images. I saw them myself and they were unreal.

Additionally, African mothers are the most patient being on planet. Again in the rural area of my country, you see these mothers whose husbands are struggling to make earns meet, stick it out with their husband. They are fighters. They never complain. It almost unbelievable how loyal they are with their husbands. Oh how time flies. I remembered seeing my mother obey every instructions given to her by my dad. She was so submissive. You see back then, I couldn’t understand it. I couldn’t understand how someone will be so loyal to another all in the name of marriage. Thank goodness I do now. I understand now that marriage is a lot of work. Patience in marriage can go a long way. I know ladies nowadays do not want to hear the word loyal. The society has spin their head so much that they think that they are equal with their husbands. Therefore, if things doesn’t go their way, they get divorce.

Back to my beloved African mothers. African mothers are very hardworking and supportive. They mothers in the village work on farmlands and they ones in the city go either to market or to white collar jobs. After that, they come home, cook, clean, wash, care for their kids. They work 24 hours  day aand 365 days a year. No off day. Rather they’re always on overtime without pay. When their kids are sick they are sick. I wish I have enough words or the appropriate grammar to describe these mothers. It is a great honor for me to have an African mother and even greater honor to be one myself. I can go on and on about the strength and attributes of African mothers. I know I didn’t touch all bases. Believe me, when it comes to African mothers, you can never touch all bases with them. They are the greatest. I love you my African mothers. I pray that your daily hard work don’t cut your lives short. I wish to have you all live longer. If only our government can provide you with quality health care that will be a plus. I love you all my African mothers. This post is my little tribute to you all.

Thanks.

I am humble.

Photo credit: Wikimedia Commons

Hurricane Harvey victims, the best days are ahead.

 
It all looks bad now but I trust that you will get through this. It is sad to watch what has befallen you all and as well see all you labored for go down the drain, literally, with flood. Watching these images on TV is heart breaking. My heart bleed for those who lost their beloved ones during this tropical storm. I lack words but I believe that just like hurricane Katrina, you all will get through this. My prayers goes out to you all and I will try my best to chip in my own cent for relief.



Thanks.
I am humble.
Photo credit: Wikipedia

The problem with having all girls in African household

You can agree with me that some traditions in Africa are ancient and needs to be abolished. One of this tradition is treating a girl child as a second class citizen as opposed to the male child. In African, female child is not widely accepted as the ideal child especially if she is the only child of a family. You know what, I thought by now some of these ignorance traditions has been replaced with modern way of life and thinking. But no. I was surprised to see that even here in America, having a female child as an African among other Africans still put one beneath a mother with a male child.

Here is a scenario when such tradition was practiced here in America. When I had my first child, my beautiful daughter, I was overwhelmed. I was grateful that God chose me to be a mother. However, my joy was tainted by some African women, whom on several occasions asked me how I felt having a girl as my first child. Stupid question right? They even asked me how my mother in-law felt when I told her I had a female child. Another question was “how did your husband feel about your baby girl?” Mind you I was still in my early stage of motherhood. I didn’t know what gender God was going to give to me as children. However, my thought then was any gender he gives me I am happy with it. So to see those women asked and treat me like a second class citizen because I had my first child and she was a girl was sad. Sad in the sense that, most of these women were supposedly label as educated women. So how come the judgement. It was during my astonishment that I realized that women are the only gender that judge their kind harshly. I think I might emphasis more on this topic later.

 But for now, my advice for my fellow women is to stand up for one another. Do not allow what men/tradition think of you to over shadow your way of thinking. Let’s look at it this way, if you a woman that mocks another woman for having only a female child for her husband that means you have accepted the notion that you as a woman is useless. I say this because if you are not proud and happy that someone gave birth to a female child then you should be ashamed of yourself. Common these men have psychologically twisted your mind to make you believe that you are less of a human than them. Hence, why you ignorantly forget that shaming a woman with a female child is as good as shaming yourself because you are a female.  Final word, African woman with alpha male child, please go back to your drawing board. Something is missing.  Therefore, if you join they traditional African male to point one finger at your fellow woman, remember that the rest of the fingers are pointing back at you.

Thanks

I am humble.
Photo credit: Pixabay

The wait for food in African party!

 

I can count how many African parties that I have been to and all of them boils down to one thing. Which is, you can only eat food when the party is almost coming to an end. On the other hand, if you attend an American party, before they even start their event, you will see people with one plate of food or the other eating. Their own idea of eating before the start of an event is more so that people will be relaxed and properly enjoy their party with food in their stomach. That’s my friend is a good strategy. However, when you come over to an African party, the story is different. Africans wants you to wait for food until they have successfully gone down half of what is listed in the event program before you, their guest can eat. I will tell you one thing and one thing only why they use this method.

The reason the use this method is because in our African head, we believe that eating early on an event will make people full and as such exit the event. Please readers tell me if that is not a selfish reason. Why do guest have to starve to enjoy a party? I believe that if a party has a good content people will stay regardless. The idea that serving people food early will make them get up and leave is ridiculous. This can only happen if all the guest that attend that party are hungry people. Let me give you are good laugh. 😆! In some cases, African party food strategy is good in African. I say in Africa because in Africa, majority of the people that attend your event/party are uninvited. Therefore, dishing out food early in the party means the food will finish and most of your core guest will be left hungry. Prompting them to exit in anger. Lol!

Nevertheless, I don’t think that strategy is good because it often drive people mad due to intense hunger. Besides, not all guest come to a party with food in their belly. So to come to a party and wait almost an hour or more for food. Common! Is there diamond on gold in that food? I ask? Another thing that Africans do in their party during the dishing of food that get me angry is that method of serving your friends first. In African party, food can turn strangers into a server. Which automatically sets the whole party into confusion because you will see the self-appointed server, dishing food to her friends instead of the real guest at the party.  In my humble opinion, I think Africans should emulate the American style of food before party. This way people will stay happy and have a good time while at it.

Tell me, have you ever been to a party that waited too long to dish out food? When, where and what party is that? Leave a comment below.

Thanks.

I am humble.

Photo Credit: Wikimedia commons